Astoria

So...I went to Astoria (hold for applause).  I went with my friend Benjamin Shpres.  I will post his reaction first and if you are still reading you'll get to see what I have to say.  While this may seem lazy please remember I commuted an hour (each way!) to go to this location so you can suck a fat one.  Ben's thoughts:

While the surrounding street may look like a rusted junkyard,everything within this NYSC screams new. The machines even havestickers if they're super-new, encouraging people to use (ordangerously test?) them.  The layout is all on one floor, which is helpful. The natural light from the windows also helps makes the place motivating. However, in classic NYSC fashion, there is not enough of room in the stretching area. Also, I don't know about you, but it annoys me when there's
a) only one water fountain location
b) poorly placed clocks (making it hard for me to time my workout)
The locker rooms had very Equinox-looking wood-paneled lockers. It almost made me forget not to use the low-brand lotion NYSC offers.  Despite minor inconveniences though, I would definitely recommend this NYSC above some other ones.

I agree with Ben about a couple of things: stretching area, only one water fountain, it being one floor...  This location is obviously newer and while it feels large I think it's actually just "spacious."  Not as many machines so they seem spread out.  Can't agree about the locker room though; the lockers were the larger styled lockers but why does this newer location have curtains on the shower stalls instead of the nicer frosted glass doors?  The showers were tall but still felt cheap.  Also...I just can't get over the view from across the street.  It's still haunting me.

My grade: B+

16th and 8th update

Remember me?  Hi. 2 things:

1. about a month ago I went to 16th and 8th and it's been renovated!  Apparently not recently either (whoops).  Looks nicer but really was just a re-decoration more than anything.  Machines are still old and now there's no Body Blo or whatever the scary body dryer was that existed in the locker room (pro? con? you decide).  Oh also I forgot where the lockers were and I wandered around like an ass for about 2 minutes until some straight guy saw the confusion on my face and just pointed them out; it was the nicest thing anyone has done for me at the gym in a long time!

2. I'm going to the Astoria location today (is there more than one?).  My friend Benjamin Shpres who has guest commented once before is the instigator of this trip.  Assuming I don't fall asleep on the train and miss this visit completely, an update (a real one not the bullshit I wrote in the paragraph above) is forthcoming.

Mission complete!

With the visit to 48th and 2nd I have officially visited all 38 Manhattan New York Sports Clubs!  OK granted now there are only 37, but I visited all 38 before they cut the, naturally, most convenient club to MY location.

I'm not quite sure what's next on the agenda, but I have decided to keep writing about my experiences.  Maybe some re-visits and definitely some other boroughs outside of Manhattan.  Dare I even suggest...I can't believe I'm about to say this...New Jersey?  Maybe when I'm shitfaced.  Maybe another Boston or two?  Gosh I'm so crazy sometimes!

I hope the reviews help you in your NYSC workouts, motivate you to get your ass to the gym, or at least were somewhat entertaining on those lazy days.

48th and 2nd

Sometimes I think that my experience may be influenced by 1) my mood 2) the day 3) my mood during the day. I visited this club on a gorgeous day, in an excellent mood, and really enjoyed myself.

This facility is smaller but either newer or more recently renovated.  The first floor is the "lobby" (OK there really isn't enough space for a lobby) and all of the cardio.  This floor was a little jam-packed.  In the back of the floor are the locker rooms.

Downstairs is the studio, the stretching area, and the weights.  Definitely not as wide of a selection as typical, but everything was in working order, neat, clean, and bright.  One great thing about this floor were the abundance of towels and the organization of the weights.  One bad thing was there was no water fountain, just a water bottle filler-upper.  So...whenever I was thirsty I had to trek it up the stairs to the first floor to drink (and I don't need the ass exercise so this was simply inconvenient).

The lockers were spacious considering the size of the gym, very clean, nice tall curtains on the stalls, and a sauna.  In general this gym was quieter (I went during a very off-peak time) and the clientele was typical midtown-east -- very distance age mix from young to old.  Cute girls doing cardio (as if that will really help them move forward in their secretarial careers/find a husband on the bottom floor of the gym) and straight guys lifting.  I was one of two gays.  Awesome...

My grade: A-

51st and Lexington

I finally went to a new location!  And this visit was EPIC.  Why?  Cause 1) I FINALLY WENT TO A NEW LOCATION. 2) I took a gym buddy who has guest comments on this entry!  3) I took a group class...for the first time at NYSC.  I'm like...moving mountains, saving babies, and passing out free EPT's all at the same time.

So this place has a terrible, terrible entry way.  I mean look at that!  It's straight from the 80's.  The facility isn't so awful though -- very outdated with the decor and over-stimulation with mirrors and glass (almost dizzying), and pretty dim.  But it is all one floor (we love that, remember?) and while it was busy during the lunch rush, everyone was pretty fit and attractive.

The class we took was the abs class and it was in the smaller of the two studios.  It was fun actually, and very hard.  We both learned a few new tricks...still no six pack, but I should probably blame that on Chipotle and not pretend like the class fell short of expectations.

The equipment was all slightly outdated but there was plenty of space to workout.  Just everything seems so random at this location.  No order, rhyme, or reason as to where things are placed.  That may have been the fun-house styled mirror placement, though.  My gym buddy, Benjamin Shpres, was the only one of us that took a shower (I can't figure out how to re-write that phrase and not make it sound bad for either/both of us) and I asked him to send me his general remarks:

1. There were towel clad men waiting in a single file line to use the showers. Unless there's some kind of...service...happening there, this is unacceptable. When I eventually did get to the shower area, it was more humid than a tropical jungle. Seriously, the tiles, the knobs, EVERYTHING was dripping wet. It was like I rolled a very gay number (3?) while playing Jumanji.
2. I was overwhelmed by how many machines were packed in one area. It was like this location had taken fertility drugs and then spawned excessive workout-machine-offspring.

Ben and I apparently agree on the need for EPT's.

My grade: B

76th and 1st

This is the most difficult location to get to from where I live, so I figured Labor Day would be the perfect day to try it out.  After quite a long journey (MTA runs on a Sunday schedule on holidays...which is, uh, awesome) I saw this beacon to the right shining out from the buildings.  As I got closer I realized: it's a trap!  It's a decoy!  RUN!

This is NOT the gym.  This is, uh, the studio.  I didn't care enough to really read what the hell the studio was doing a full block away, so instead I followed the directions posted to the REAL gym.  I had been warned this gym sucked ("You will definitely fail it") but didn't find my experience so bad.  Maybe it had been cleaned up since that naysayer last went.

It's four small floors which is tragically annoying, locker rooms and random machines on the second floor, random cardio/lobby on the first, cardio on the third, weights on the fourth.  There is definitely not enough stretching area and they are too far away from everything (the best stretching area, albeit small, was on the fourth floor!  WTF).  The machines were all standard but I did notice the fourth floor had a lot of natural sunlight.

Mostly straights. Everywhere.  Not a piece of eye candy to look at.  I didn't catch many of the lady-friends as they were on the first and third floors doing cardio.  I was avoiding cardio (and lady-friends to be quite honest).

The locker room was small but clean, dark paneled lockers, and the larger, newer-styled stalls with frosted doors.  I liked that.  OH and the towels -- this location utilizes the larger towels!  WE LOVE LARGE TOWELS.

My grade: B

1 Year Anniversary

So I've been at this for a year.  I'm like...dedicated or something.  Granted I haven't actually FINISHED and it's been a year, but I'm close!

I have revisited a few clubs recently but I haven't gotten around to the last few remaining locations.  I promise I will.

23rd and 8th (update)

I promised to update with a photo from this location.  Here it is:

125th Street - Harlem

I don't really know why it took me so long to get to this location.  It is convenient for me to get to and I have passed by it several times.  I was warned by one person that it was "gross," but I didn't have that experience.

OK entering is a little disconcerting.  You enter the lobby and face two large steel elevators.  Simlar to the Equinox in Columbus Circle your button options in the elevator are the lobby (ground floor) and the gym (4th floor).  I really did envision myself in the next Final Destination movie as the elevator slowly crawled, moaned, and clanked up to the 4th floor.

Upon my arrival it wasn't so bad though.  Decent light, spacious, all one floor.  Cardio is right at the entrance and seemed to be a sufficient amount.  What's nice about this location, and maybe it was just cause I went during an off time, was it seemed pretty spacious between machines.  There are two studios, a cycling studio, two cable fly systems, decent stretching area, and the general machines/weights.

The locker room was OK.  Not good.  Not vomit-inducing.  Plenty of showers (smaller locker area) and sauna and steam room.  My biggest complaint about the locker room was that the towels are not stacked inside the locker room but actually across the hall near the stretching areas.  Why?  Who thought this made sense?  Is it out of laziness?  I'm glad I noticed this upon entering so I prevented a temper tantrum when I went to go shower.

Oh!  and the clientele!  1/4 roided up thugs, 1/4 toned fitness girls, 1/4 ugly/old people, 1/4 gays.  And, yes, I did get a number.  After all of these visits, HARLEM is where I get my first "gym number?"  Really?  Here's how it went down:

Him: hey can I give you this?   Hands over a slip of paper.
Me: no I didn't drop anything.
Him: no, it's for you.
Me: looks at slip.  OH.  HAHAHAHAHA.  OH.  OK thanks!
Him: walks away.
Me: dialing mother.  Mom, guess what just happened to me...in Harlem.

My grade: B+

Broadway & Spring - SoHo

Dear Douchebag On the Treadmill Next To Me:

Why the hell are you wearing sunglasses inside, in a gym, working out?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Me.

Welcome to SoHo!  Hope you are ready to work out your legs cause you have three intimidating flights of highly lopsided, creaky, "reminds me of Alice In Wonderland falling down the rabbit hole but in reverse" stairs before you can enter.  I generally liked this location but it had a few...quirks.  It is large, all one level, bright, and had plenty of equipment.  The studio was large (cycling studio as well), decent sized weight room, and many additional weight machines scattered throughout.  Two small stretching areas, seemingly lots of cardio machines.

The clientele was interesting; mostly cafeteria worker kind of women -- a few cuties -- and the rest just Asian guys.  Plus me and the asshole with his glasses on the treadmill next to me (and no he wasn't blind).

The locker room was large, had plenty of showers, and was generally clean.  The rest of the facility, however, was kind of messy; particularly messy on such a quiet day.  Not dirty but messy.  Weights and medicine balls, barbells and dumbbells scattered throughout on the floor.  Also, some of the equipment was broken which always adds an inconvenience to the workout.

My grade: B+

94th and Broadway (revisit)

Yes I have been absent.  No I am not happy about it.  And yes I'm still single (wait...you weren't thinking about that?  Well fine.)

I revisited 94th and Broadway today.  This photo sucks and this review will be lazy.  Seriously, you should have expected this by now and you really need to get over it.  The re-design looks good aesthetically; better lighting, better decor, for the most part nicer.  Here's the catch, though: even during a "slow time" this place is still too small for how busy it is (I can't even imagine peak hours) and the weight room looks pretty much the same (please refer to original review).  Because of the traffic it is pretty messy and they clearly haven't re-done the locker rooms.  Still nicer, but not nice enough to win awards.

I'd say this is the best NYSC on the UWS, but saying that doesn't say much.

My new grade: B-

49th and Broadway (revisit)

Well...THIS is what my new home gym looks like currently.  This is the former site of the 52nd and Broadway location which is mere blocks from my new office.

I visited instead 49th and Broadway which, surprisingly, has been refurbished since my last visit.  It looks very good, crisp, and clean.  The new style is very much what it needed as this is a VERY BUSY LOCATION.  I'm sure closing the gym 3 blocks up didn't help relieve any of the traffic.

The crowd here is a mix of hotel guests, some young and a few frumpy women (a few winners), and then 70% gay guys.  There was definitely some eye candy but I was too annoyed with the crowded nature to care.  I'm glad I didn't need a treadmill cause I would have been waiting way too long for my liking.

I took a new photo of the refurb:

Whoops.  Well...this isn't too far off...

New home gym

I am changing jobs and searched out what my new home gym would be since I will be leaving the 23rd and Park location (waaah!).  The closest gym is 52nd and Broadway!  I went back and read my review and remembered my visit vividly.

Fun fact: supposedly this location is now closed.  So...that's awesome.

FAIL.

I will re-assess my situation shortly.

Irving Place

I have been kind of dreading going to this location for a while because every single time I walk by it looks so crowded it gives me anxiety.  I finally swallowed my pride (and a Xanax!  oh....damn I wish that were true...) and attacked it head-on.

This gym is great for the overworked Union Square business professional.  It is indeed busy and I went during an off-time.  First floor is the entrance-way (hardly a lobby), all of the cardio equipment, the main studio, and a small stretching area.  Downstairs is the men's locker room and the cycling studio.  Upstairs is everything else (free weights, machines, etc).  I have absolutely no clue where the women's locker room is.  They may not even have one for all I know, or it was clearly labeled and I just simply missed it.

The problem with this gym, besides looking like it was painted in the mid-90's, is everything seems just a touch outdated and overused.  I did not have to wait for a machine upstairs but it still had that "erratic" feeling to it.  Maybe because it's a smaller space overall?  But the ceilings were so high!

The locker room was cramped (old-school dark wood lockers) and maze-like.  Showers were fine, sauna, steam room.  Just a little small and a general sense of "busy."  And there were a few more gays than expected...and the girls all seemed like they were in shape and moderately attractive on the average.  There was quite the eclectic mix though, including a blind guy and a guy in a wheelchair.

Those were firsts for me.

My grade: C+

14th & 5th - Union Square

Welcome to the gym that started this whole shindig.  'Twas here I decided to explore new locations after working out with my meat-head friend who walked around and socialized.  This was the shining beacon on a cold winter's day, the early blossom on a spring morning, the cool breeze over a picturesque lake on a humid summer's eve.  'Twas here.

So this place is pretty gay.  I had been here before and each and every time it's just as gay.  A nice mix of people though - fit gays, older people (who probably have unbelievably nice rent controlled apartments in the Union Square area), and a few fit/attractive girls.  There seemed to be plenty of cute girls in the trampoline-aerobics class going on when I visited.

It's all one floor.  I love this aspect.  Even though two full walls (north and south) are full of windows in-between is pretty dim.  I don't really need to explain where everything is because this location is the easiest to navigate out of any that I have been to.  You walk up, it's all right in front of you, and the lockers are on the far wall.  There is a cycling and a studio, plenty of cardio, a small stretching area, two cable-fly systems, all the machines you would expect, etc.

The locker room was better this time around than the last time, maybe cause it wasn't rush hour.  You KNOW this place is gay for two reasons (I mean...besides being eye-banged by a number of people in the gym): 1) they have a sign on the steam room door saying "don't be inappropriate" and 2) the shower curtains are short.  VERY short.  They have plastic liners that go to the floor but the curtains stop around your knee/thigh area.  I can only assume this is so you can easily see just how many bodies are in each stall.

My grade: B

BSC/South Station

I. AM. KING.

I finally went to the Boston Sports Club at South Station!  I have been passing by for years and never had a chance go to in.  Well I finally was able to set aside time and go.  I'm pretty sure I looked like a foreigner walking in as if I had never set foot on American soil and had clearly never been to a gym before.  No shame!  I was giddy.

And screw you, I'm a nerd.  Get over it.

This location has a few noticeable differences than the NYSC that I am used to going to.  The most glaring is how large it is comparatively.  It is definitely slightly confusing (what with the sub-floors and small hallways connecting workout areas) but for the most part is two levels.  The first is the lobby (I think the receptionist, well, hated me.  I asked her to hold my luggage AND for directions to my hotel...she was very friendly though) and most of the cardio.  Strangely not all the cardio machines had individual TV screens.  It was about 70/30.

Also part of the first floor, in the back through a few hallways, was everything else.  Lots of room to breathe and all the standard equipment (and then some).  Lots of sunlight and stretching areas scattered about.  The clientele was stereotypical Boston; you look like you are a frat guy and you are either 1) indeed a frat guy 2) a big fat mo.  There were only a few girls but all could have been fitness models; ponytail, sports bra, light weights, nice complexion.

Downstairs were the two studios (cycling and standard), random yoga/stretching area, very large pool, and the locker rooms; this is where Boston Sports Club failed me.  The locker room...oy.  What a mess.  Towels everywhere!  I mean...everywhere.  A towel volcano....a towcano!  It was as if a towel explosion happened.  Oddly the towels were quite a bit larger than their NYSC cousins which meant they took up even MORE room. Toweltastrophe!

Showers were fine (large stalls, curtains, sauna/steam room) but there was no body wash to be found.  This was...what's the word...annoying?  no that's not it.

Frustrating!

 

no....that won't do.

 

"fucking stupid."

 

My Grade: B   

If you write it...

...they will add it!


Remember a while back, in my review of 145th Street I said:

The free weight areas are typically very busy with guys on the 'roids (excuse me- "pre-game vitamins" is more appropriate) and can get a little cramped if it's during peak hours, even with the large amount of space available.  For heaven's sake, NYSC, get this place another cable-fly system!

I re-visited last night. Since I reviewed it they HAVE added a cable-fly! Clearly I am speaking for the people.

(...and hush, you! In my twisted world I am taking credit for this. That's right.)

Upper West Side

Today marked the last of the Upper West Side locations.  I must say they are not the most well put-together group of NYSC locations.  Let's reflect:

62nd and Broadway - C
73rd and Central Park West - C-
76th and Broadway - C
80th and Broadway - E
94th and Broadway - C+

This would NOT have been an acceptable report card to bring back to my mother from school.  The UES at least has a B+ so far (although rumor has it the last remaining UES location I have to go to sucks, but even if it gets a failing grade that's better than this group).  I'm surprised by this; the UWS is a fun neighborhood and would have thought that the gyms would have reflected that.  Unfortunately I don't think I'll be visiting these again (with the exception of 94th St which was under construction) unless it was out of sheer convenience.

76th and Broadway

I walked by the entrance 3 or 4 times circling the block.  I looked up the address online thinking somehow it was off by a block.  I re-checked the official website thinking the location had closed and I didn't realize it...finally I found it.  The photo reflects ALL of the signage up for this location and the amount of "advertising space" reflects proportionally the amount of space inside.

This must be the smallest NYSC in the city.  Must.  Simply one floor, one studio, and barely any workout equipment.  The studio doubles as a cycling studio (the spin bikes pushed to the side) and the only machines offered were the X-press line and two more.  No cable fly.  No dumbells higher than 70lbs or so.  No calf machine...just the X-press line and a Smith press, practically.

There were a number of different cardio machines, most of which faced into the studio.  A tiny stretching area for 3 people off to the side and some medicine balls were available.  Granted the space was bright and clean but it just felt like a "building gym;" you know, the gyms they put in a small hotel or a nice apartment building.  Not a NYSC.

The locker room was OK - fine temperature, clean for the most part.  Small, of course (one urinal, one stall), and no sauna or steam room.  There were two shower stalls and they were glass...which means they were completely see-through.  Even though there was no one in the locker room at all when I was there, I just don't like the whole "community" feel of a see-through shower.  It's not Chelsea for heaven's sake!

My grade: C

44th and 5th

I recently had a request to include more specifics on the lady clientele in addition to the gentlemen (well...they probably meant "instead of" but I took it as "in addition to").  That's like sending an alcoholic to a new bar and asking them to report back with all of the savory flavors of the appetizers on the food menu; they will struggle to not only remember the request but also to deflect their attention to what they are naturally addicted to.  HOWEVER -- I remembered and am reporting back!

For all you lady lovers: skip this gym.

It's not that there weren't any delightfully looking women at this location, just there weren't really any women..at all.  I counted four.  (Yes I actually COUNTED.  I think I took this request too literally.)  The four ladies weren't anything to write home (blog home?) about either.  There were a few good looking "let's keep this on the DL away from my co-worker" men, but even in that department not enough reason to go back.

The first level is the lobby and cycling studio.  Very old-school NYSC decor.  Downstairs are the locker rooms and some free weights/machines.  Downstairs is very depressing and a little small.  Lots of mirrors but nothing else.  Upstairs is everything else: cardio, a few more free weights, 2 studios, all of the machines, and stretching areas.  Pretty roomy, nice lighting, and a few of the cardio machines were brand-spanking new.

The locker room was fine.  Plenty of lockers, OK space, bright shower area, sauna and steam room.  The only exception was that my shower had barely any water pressure and the curtain wasn't wide enough to cover the entire stall.  That...that is just annoying.

My grade: B