Time Machine Sports Clubs?

Or something?  I need a way to elongate the week; I'm pretty confident people have been complaining about "not enough hours in the day" for, oh I don't know, a few decades at the very least.  So HOW, I ask you, have we not figured out the solution?

My point:  I have been too busy to go to new clubs recently!  I keep going daily to 23rd and Park, but with 4 trips out of town by the end of the year I have trouble seeing a clear schedule.

I WILL, however, prevail (specifics on "how" are TBD) and continue this marathon as planned.  Until then, I'll be at Chipotle complaining about the lack of a six-pack.

Mercer Street

Attention horny straight girls: go to this location.  Seriously.  It's filled to the brim with mildly to extremely attractive straight college guys.  If you were writing this blog your only complaint would be lack of co-ed locker rooms.

This picture sucks, but in my defense there is no big awning, it's pre-daylight savings so it's very dark out, and the SOILED LAUNDRY (gag) would have been too hard to move on my own...and slightly suspicious had I attempted.  This location was great though.  Very large all around.

Ground floor was the lobby (complete with more soiled laundry), women's lockers, and the cycling studio.  Downstairs was the men's locker and the "boxing studio."  I didn't actually see this "boxing studio" since it was down an ominous hallway and I forgot to bring my mace.

Second floor was very, very large.  This had everything else - huge weight area (machines and free-weights), large stretching area, and in a separate section all of the cardio.  The free weights were a different brand than normal (which doesn't really matter but in the interest of being a thorough, completely professional, and potentially world-famous blogger I feel obligated to mention this) and they didn't have the newest of the new when it came to machines.  However, they had everything you needed with the potential exception of an abundance of treadmills.  Oh, and the other studio was on this floor; I should have mentioned this earlier but was distracted by the juiced up frat boys that were watching themselves in the mirror.

The locker room was very spacious, if not a little dark, and came complete with what I have recently labeled the "puzzle piece lockers."  The benefit to these are the occasional FULL SIZE locker!  I took advantage of these.  The steam room worked well and the shower stalls were also surprisingly roomy.  The only thing I would change about the lockers besides the lighting would be to move the very random giant fan that was blocking the only full length mirror.  I was wearing a tie and a full length mirror is VITAL to the placement...how did the employees not foresee this when placing the giant fan?

My grade: A

145th & Frederick Douglass Blvd.

Admittedly, I have been to this location before.  That was before the marathon though (before the "better" me?...let's not stretch it).  I went this past weekend and had a pretty decent workout.

This location is very large and located on two spread-out levels.  The first level has the studio, free weights, most of the machines, treadmills, a few ellipticals, and locker rooms.  The free weight areas are typically very busy with guys on the 'roids (excuse me- "pre-game vitamins" is more appropriate) and can get a little cramped if it's during peak hours, even with the large amount of space available.  For heaven's sake, NYSC, get this place another cable-fly system!

Upstairs has newer machines and the Xpress-line program, two stretching areas, cycling, and plenty of bikes/ellipticals.  Both levels have lots-o-sunlight which is quite delightful.

Locker rooms are OK; they are never completely out of control but not spotless. One huge downfall of the locker rooms is the apparent lack of benches.  Sometimes you just need to sit when putting on your shoes after you sweat out a bottle of wine on the treadmill.  Speaking of treadmills, there are NOT ENOUGH of them here.

And gays.  Not enough gays.

My grade: A

7th Avenue at 10th Street

Fitness tip:  do not workout after brunch.  More specifically after a boozy brunch.

I have walked by this location countless times and have never gone in.  Today was the day!  It was quiet and a little cramped in the lobby.  The first floor is the entrance, lockers are underneath, and then two floors above.  Second floor was cardio and a large studio, and there were plenty of treadmills for all to use.  The best feature of this (gay!) facility was the equipment all overlooked 7th Ave.  Natural light in a gym is the BEST atmosphere.

The third floor (really fourth since you have to walk up two flights of steps...those tricksters) is the weight room.  It was nice and spacious and had everything you need.  Up a few stairs on this floor were the bikes and spin room, but I don't think that counts as "floor four."  Just a subset of floor three perhaps.  Who cares?

The weight room was nice, clean, and open.  Full of natural light.  TINY stretching areas (one tiny one on the second floor and another tiny one on the third floor); I guess people don't stretch or do abs here.  The locker rooms, while having plenty of lockers themselves, were a little cramped and downtrodden.  The most fascinating thing of the day was the naked man who was opening all of the shower curtains and looking inside -- whether or not there was someone showering.  Awkies?  YES.  I chose to bypass the showers since there wasn't a steam room or sauna anyway...and he wasn't really my type.

My grade: B

48th and 6th - Rockefeller Center

I had heard nothing about this location which is odd cause I ran into an old college friend while working out.  Apparently HE doesn't read this blog or he may have chosen another location or advised I avoid this one (ohhh snap!).

The first floor underground had most of the cardio equipment and a very small stretching area.  So small that the man next to me, consciously or not, kept getting up and almost stepping on me.  I was doing SIT UPS.  How do you not see me?!  I was deathly afraid for my iPod and had to move it underneath me to avoid his sneakers of doom.

I felt claustrophobic on this floor and for the life of me didn't know where the free weights were; there were a few machines but that was it.  Finally, behind the bins of dirty towels, I saw two escalators (shout-out to the Wall Street location!  which, btw, I added a snapshot of).  They take you down to the "main" underground level which has all of the weights, the rest of the machines, two studios (plus spinning) and a couple of extra cardio machines.  They had most everything but it was very crowded and cramped.  I'm sure this location is very quiet on the weekends and later at night.

The locker rooms were tiny and gross.  Tiny to the point of proving difficult to walk around people and gross since 1) the floors were wet and 2) if you are in a certain part of the locker room, in order to use the restroom you must walk through the shower area.  That's gross.  Your shoes --- your FEET!  No.  I refused to shower at the end of my workout just assumed "Athlete's Foot shower stalls" would lower the grade a little.

My grade: C-

80th and Broadway

It's a lot of fun to leave a gym and say "wow, what a great facility!" or "man some of the people working out there were easy on the eyes!"

I say no such things about this location.

"6 floors?  Really?" and "Maybe they aren't allowed to vacuum, why else would it be so dirty?" were more along the lines of what I had to say.  I'll put some of the criticism aside and give you the layout (from memory so I may have them slightly mixed up...they had directories on most floors so it wasn't confusing per say, just ridiculously annoying).  First floor is the lobby with the unattractive/awkward management desks directly up front, and a few cardio machines (all ellipticals or variations thereof).  Lower level is men's locker room (small, unkept, humid).  Second floor is the largest with women's locker room, daycare, plenty of treadmills, a stretching area, and a few machines.  Third floor is a small studio and a tiny stretching area (body bars, no medicine balls).  Fourth floor was also small with free weights and the larger machines.  Fifth floor had another studio.

I'm not even going to write more.  It wasn't worth the trip and because of the quality/layout (and clientele) I was no longer motivated to workout. 

My grade: E  (I went to a secondary school whose failing grade was an E not an F.  I know it's weird but it's not my fault; it's how I was raised.)

59th and Park

Do you know how hard it is to walk by Bloomingdale's on your way to workout?  Extremely.

This location was recommended to me by a few people (shout out! except I don't remember who you were...and you probably aren't reading this...so...).  I have to admit it lived up to its reputation.  Nice open lobby leads to ellipticals and a small metal staircase.  Downstairs: locker rooms.  Upstairs: more cardio and a neatly designed studio.  Upstairs: the weight room.  Upstairs: stretching, newer machines.  Downstai...wait...what the HELL are all of these stairs for?  So that's the one downfall: you have to keep going up and down and up and up and down if you want to workout.  That being said, my legs look GREAT!

The weight area was nice and bright if not a little cramped, but they had most everything you need.  Lots of cardio up (and then down) the stairs.  The locker rooms were very nice, tidy, and plenty of towels.  No steam room, but the sauna was extra hot.  I noticed two funny things about the locker room however: 1) none of the curtains fully covered each shower stall, so you had better work out your, uh, lower body before you finish and 2) the urinals are SO HIGH.  Seriously.  I'm average in height and I was on my tip toes in order not to just pee on the floor.  They are basically encouraging people to pee in the showers which, going back to number 1, everyone would see because of the curtain flaw.

My grad: A-