44th and 5th

I recently had a request to include more specifics on the lady clientele in addition to the gentlemen (well...they probably meant "instead of" but I took it as "in addition to").  That's like sending an alcoholic to a new bar and asking them to report back with all of the savory flavors of the appetizers on the food menu; they will struggle to not only remember the request but also to deflect their attention to what they are naturally addicted to.  HOWEVER -- I remembered and am reporting back!

For all you lady lovers: skip this gym.

It's not that there weren't any delightfully looking women at this location, just there weren't really any women..at all.  I counted four.  (Yes I actually COUNTED.  I think I took this request too literally.)  The four ladies weren't anything to write home (blog home?) about either.  There were a few good looking "let's keep this on the DL away from my co-worker" men, but even in that department not enough reason to go back.

The first level is the lobby and cycling studio.  Very old-school NYSC decor.  Downstairs are the locker rooms and some free weights/machines.  Downstairs is very depressing and a little small.  Lots of mirrors but nothing else.  Upstairs is everything else: cardio, a few more free weights, 2 studios, all of the machines, and stretching areas.  Pretty roomy, nice lighting, and a few of the cardio machines were brand-spanking new.

The locker room was fine.  Plenty of lockers, OK space, bright shower area, sauna and steam room.  The only exception was that my shower had barely any water pressure and the curtain wasn't wide enough to cover the entire stall.  That...that is just annoying.

My grade: B

One of these days...

I will visit you.  I have passed by your calling entrance -- your siren song -- many times.  Yet we still haven't met.

But we will.

We must.

Tribeca at Reade Street

What better way to spend a perfectly beautiful day in New York City than going underground and staring at myself for an hour or so while I listen to the ROCKIN new Lady Gaga album?

This location has two floors - top/ground floor is the studio, two stretching areas, all of the cardio, and the more generic weight machines.  Downstairs are the locker rooms, cycling studios, free weights, and the rest of the machines.  While I didn't see anyone who played for my team working out, they clearly had an influence in the design -- things were in their right spots, body rollers were on a rack attached to the wall reminding me of a towel rack (very convenient storage), and "suck me off" was carved into the wood paneling of the sauna.  Clearly gay signs but no gay people...maybe I went at an off time.

For the most part this is a large facility, clean, newer, and very pleasant.  Lots of natural light upstairs at the cardio area and not too dim downstairs.  The locker room was slightly confusing getting around but seemed large enough with the "large styled" lockers that have been popping up at the newer locations.  Sauna and steam room were smaller but fine (I didn't see any explicit acts, just the permanent calligraphy).  What really got me excited was the complimentary cotton balls and Q-tips available in the locker room; winning.

My grade: A

217 Broadway - City Hall

This marathon has taken me all over the city, including some tourist-heavy areas.  City Hall takes the cake for "busiest tourist area."  Congratulations, City Hall!  You suck!

This gym has three floors.  First floor is the entrance, bottom floor is the cycling and locker rooms, and second floor is everything else.  So it's kind of like a one floor gym, except you have to walk down a flight of stairs, change, and then up two flights to get to it.  So it's...kind of...not a one floor gym.

City Hall is also aging and not "I just had some Botox, a microdermabrasion, and a mani/pedi" kind of aging.  More along the lines of "shit!  I have cellulite and tooth decay!" kind of aging.  The cardio machines are moderate in numbers and all very squished together, the ONE tiny stretching area is in the middle of nowhere, and everything has a sort of dusty-grime feel to it (including the clientele; most were fitter than average, yes, but were not aging well).  There is a lot of light, which is nice, and two studios for all you whores for classes.

The weight area was the only redeeming aspect.  It was larger than expected with doubles of most all weights (including two cable fly systems).  The machines were scattered throughout the floor so was harder to take inventory on.

The locker room was gross.  Messy, damp, and a higher/unfortunate amount of nudity.  There was a sauna which I avoided along with eye contact with everyone in there.

My grade: C

16th and 8th

I had been to this location before, many moons ago, and had left with no desire to ever return.  Not that it is awful, but just not the most luxurious gym I have ever been to.

This facility is divided into two floors.  A very run down lobby is on the top/ground floor along with all of the cardio and stretching areas.  There are plenty of treadmills to go around it seems and a few random (and ancient) ab machines.

Downstairs in the dimly lit, seemingly deserted garage setting is everything else.  Locker rooms, free weights, machines, and studios.  The decor is just not pleasant and it seems all very thrown together (it would make for a great homo-erotic Scream 5 setting).  What's nice is that there are plenty of weight options as the clientele (GAYS!) seem to all be downstairs; there are double of a few popular machines too.

The locker room is unique.  Almost the whole locker room is carpeted including the sink area.  The sink area is set up like a vanity room, and the stalls/urinals are in their own room (complete with a door).  Very strange. The showers are not all that attractive but the lockers themselves are plentiful.  They also have a machine I was DYING to try called the "Bodi Blo" which, I can only assume, dries your whole body like a hair dryer.  I couldn't bring myself to try it because if it was broken I'm afraid I would be devastated and just feel obligated to give this location a failing grade.

My grade: B-

Varick Street

I knew nothing about this location ahead of time before visiting yesterday.  I went during an off-time which was probably smart.  The location is new, nicely sized, and seemingly well maintained.

Unfortunately/fortunately nothing very exciting happened to me while I was there.  The entrance and lobby are very large and spacious, everything else is on one large floor.  1 studio, cycling, cardio, machines -- all in one area and the weights/machines in another (with exposed brick!).  The are two smaller stretching areas and everything seems bright and shiny.

Locker room was OK - larger lockers (which seems to mean less benches), sink area, etc.  A couple of things annoyed me about the locker room though: 1) the towels are JUST outside the locker room.  I don't understand this -- what if you have a towel catastrophe getting out of the shower?  What if you realize you got a misshapen or ugly towel once you unravel it in the complete nude only being FORCED to walk over in the buff to your locker dripping wet or wear the "towel that shall not be named."  2) this location is the only location I have been to so far that has frosted glass doors for the showers outside of my home gym, but at this place the shower stalls are a little smaller.  That's fine and all.  What bothered me was the floor of the locker room was OK but the floor around the showers was not.  It was gross and wet.  I was surprised it wasn't sponsored by Lamisil.

My grade: A-